


The Ski Trip

by Bolt_DMC



Category: Bolt (2008)
Genre: Humor, Movie Reference, Music, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Skiing, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-09-27 03:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20401018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bolt_DMC/pseuds/Bolt_DMC
Summary: Penny and her family head off to a ski resort for a little R & R. The pets can't stay out of trouble, though, and hilarity ensues. Primary cultural references to The Beatles (especially the film "A Hard Day's Night") as well as The Bonzo Dog Band, The Marx Brothers, "Calvin and Hobbes," and Robin Williams.





	The Ski Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: February 2010.
> 
> For B. and B., my brother and sister who love The Beatles.

1.

It had been an especially long and frigid winter. And school this year had been more of a challenge for Penny. Algebra had tried her patience on a couple of occasions, and she and her English teacher hadn't seen eye-to-eye on symbolism in the books by J.D. Salinger and Victor Hugo discussed in class. So when it came time for winter break week, the girl was hoping to convince her mom to do something both enjoyable and out-of-the-ordinary.

"Hey, mom," she tentatively suggested. "Remember a couple years ago when we went to Mount Plonq Resort? It was so much fun, really exciting to downhill ski that time. Do you think we might go again over break?"

Penny’s mom hadn't thought of that possibility, but her doctor had recommended that the older woman start getting more exercise and eat sensibly -- her weight, cholesterol, and blood pressure were higher than usual for a woman her age, and now was the time to get it under control. "Penny, that sounds like a fine idea. It’d be great to get in some cross-country skiing again. Sure, we'll do that."

"Okay to bring Bolt? And Mittens and Rhino, too?" asked the girl.

Penny’s mom nodded. "Absolutely. Plus we’ll do one of the dinners at Atara’s Lodge Buffet."

"Well, all right, mom," said Penny. "But promise me you’ll stick to the salad bar. Be sure to keep it heavy on the veggies, and no blue cheese dressing, either, okay? You remember what the doctor said."

"Blah blah blah blah blah, blue cheese dressing, blah blah blah blah blah," was what her mom more or less heard. "Of course, dear," she replied.

2.

Departure day was numbingly cold -- so cold, in fact, that Bolt’s bathroom break walks had been extremely brief, and neither the cat nor the hamster had had the least interest in budging from the television set. All three had ample incentive to play the couch potato, too -- the classic movie station was showing a comprehensive retrospective of Beatles movies.

The binge watch began inauspiciously with "Magical Mystery Tour," a hopelessly forgettable made-for-TV throwaway that only had a couple good Beatles selections and a load of trippy, non-sequitur nonsense. "Let It Be" was next, a fascinating but sad documentation of the group’s last days, culminating in several fine studio performances and a grand impromptu rooftop concert. The second of the classic Beatlemania films followed; "Help" often limped along, struggling to ignite its eccentric and flimsy chase plot while providing fun travelogue vignettes (skiing in the Alps, frolicking on a Bahamas beach) and some of the quartet’s best tunes. Vintage 60s-style cartoon psychedelia, more worthwhile classic Beatles melodies, and surprisingly solid writing made watching "Yellow Submarine" a major pleasure. But the real prize was "A Hard Day’s Night," a cheeky and killer clever "day in the life" set during the apex of Beatlemania; the splendid songs, inspired script, and hilarious comic acting of the Fab Four and friends was a combination that had Bolt, Mittens, and Rhino glued to the screen and laughing like crazy.

As the last of the movie credits rolled, Penny came in to tell the pets it was time to go. There were several hours of driving ahead, and they wanted to reach the ski resort before nightfall.

3.

The three critters had the back seat of the car to themselves, and with nothing else to do, started talking about the films they had just seen as well as miscellaneous tangents.

"I couldn't believe how funny ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ was," said Bolt. "Haven't laughed that hard since we saw ‘Some Like It Hot’ back a couple weeks ago. Don't know which I liked better, the scene where they’re clowning around on the train with that stick-in-the-mud commuter or goofing on their manager in the hotel room."

"Great choices, Bolt, but I gotta go with the interview session at the reception," replied Rhino. "And it makes perfect sense, too -- dopey questions like the ones those reporters were asking? Heck, they were just begging for smart-aleck answers."

Mittens sighed. "I'll see you both and raise you with the awesome banter between George Harrison and that obnoxiously trendy fashion designer. Mmmmm, what I wouldn't give to pitch witticisms at all-star level like he could. I'll tell ya, with those dark good looks and sassy comebacks, if he had been a cat, we'd have had some impressive kittens. Or if we didn't, it wouldn’t be for lack of trying."

"Keep it above the belt, sister!" the hamster laughed while shaking his paw teasingly at Mittens.

The cat grinned impishly at Rhino and winked at him. "Fine thing for you to say. Wasn't that you I saw yesterday sneaking away with Bolt’s rubber jingle ball? The one with the bell in it and the hole about so-big on the side? If memory serves, you had one big happy smile on your face… "

The hamster winked back and laughed. "Boy, a guy just can't get any privacy around here, can he?"

The little shepherd looked horrified. "Aaaack! Now I'm going to have to replace my jingle ball!"

"Oh, c’mon, Wags," chuckled the cat. "We're just teasing you. Lighten up."

Bolt calmed down and thought a moment. "How come we didn't have writers that good on my show? I mean, I know I didn't realize it was actually a show at the time, but still, in hindsight..."

"Wouldn't have mattered anyway, even if you had known. For starters, the only thing humans hear when you talk is ‘Arf-arf, Bark-bark, Woof-woof’. Not exactly killer stand-up comedy routine material, you know," the cat replied.

"You've got me there, Mittens," the pooch admitted. "Except for a super-bark or two, I wouldn't exactly have had a whole lot of lines to memorize."

"Yep," said Rhino. "Yours was probably the only show on TV where good dialogue would have detracted from everything else. The action was by far the big draw -- nonstop fights, explosions, car crack-ups, stuff like that. The lines would have just gotten in the way." He continued, "Speaking of which, those chase scenes in ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ were lots of fun. They picked the best songs to go with them, too -- ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ and the title track."

"You know what else is amazing about that?" mused the cat. "Those are for all practical purposes the granddaddy of every music video ever made. In 1964, for dog’s sake… "

"But you know what," the shepherd interrupted. "I'm not so sure music videos were ever such a great thing. I'd rather make up the pictures in my own mind, or sometimes have no pictures at all. Sometimes, just the music itself is enough."

Mittens thought a minute. "Y’know, I never listen to classical music that way anyway. I like following musical motifs and structures. It's fun, too, like tailing a mouse through a maze. When it's a great piece, the mice are closely related and the maze is balanced perfectly."

"British Invasion stuff doesn't get any better than the songs on that film. And ‘Help,’ for that matter," said Bolt.

"Gotta admit, though," the hamster replied. "The tunes in ‘Yellow Submarine’ and ‘Let It Be’ are wonderful too, just really different. That was one versatile band, huh?"

"Sure could have done without ‘Magical Mystery Tour,’ though," the dog complained. "It seemed like they just turned on the camera and made a bunch of things up as they went along."

Mittens licked a paw in thought. "I think that's actually what happened. And except for ‘I Am the Walrus’ and ‘Fool On the Hill’ and the title song, it's definitely not the Fab Four at their most fab. Just goes to show you that even the best of us sometimes miss the litter box."

"Besides, improvising in front of a running camera isn't always a recipe for disaster," said Rhino. "Take Robin Williams in ‘Aladdin’ and ‘Mork and Mindy’. Or the Three Stooges or W. C. Fields about a third of the time." He stopped a minute and frowned before continuing. "Oh, by the way, what was with the weird ’50s style song done by that other band in the film? It didn't really fit in with things like ‘Blue Jay Way’ and ‘Your Mother Should Know.’"

"Aw, c’mon now, rodent -- don’t knock the Bonzo Dog Band," chided Mittens, shaking a paw at him. "Penny’s mom has a couple of their albums in her collection, ‘Gorilla’ and ‘The Doughnut in Granny’s Greenhouse’. They were actually musical pranksters of the highest order and that song is an Elvis spoof called ‘Death Cab for Cutie’. You know those goofy and inspired numbers you like by They Might Be Giants? Not to mention every wisenheimer song ever made up by Monty Python? It all comes straight out of the Bonzos. I'll have to play those for you sometime."

Rhino saluted. "Duly noted and ready to be schooled, sir!" he said with a flourish.

"Better bring a mouse for the teacher," grinned Bolt.

The cat and hamster broke up laughing, as much because the humor-challenged canine had actually managed to crack a pretty good joke for a change as anything else.

"What are those three going on about in the back seat?" Penny’s mom said.

"Beats me," came the girl’s reply. "I hear them yowling about stuff to each other all the time. Makes me wish I could understand animal talk, y’know? Wonder what they say to each other, anyway?"

Penny’s mom chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing very profound. Probably discussing the merits of hamster kibble, or the perfect cat litter -- or maybe that dead mouse Bolt found in the barn and was rolling around on the other day. It won't be anything approaching Algonquin Round Table repartee, that’s for sure."

Mittens cast a scornful eye at the two women, then put a paw on her chest and snarked, "As the resident Dorothy Parker of this little soiree, I strenuously resent that implication."

"No you don’t," laughed Rhino. "Penny’s mom will just take you in her lap and scratch you behind the ears -- and you’ll forgive her everything. You’re a sucker for those ear scritches."

The cat grinned and nodded. "You know me like a first grader knows his ABCs," she quipped.

"So," said Bolt. "Do you guys want to hear about the dead mouse I was rolling in?"

The reply of "NO!" was both resounding and in tandem.

4.

"Sorry, miss, but you'll need to put a restraint on the dog in public areas. It's a house rule," said the resort security guard.

Penny apologized and attached a leash to Bolt’s collar. It had been some time since he had worn one, and it made the pooch feel hemmed in. But he tolerated it best as he could -- for now.

The dog whined while Penny wrapped the leash's other end around a bike rack near the lodge's front entrance. "Now Bolty, you know you can't come on the lift with me. Looks like I'll have to tie you up here. The air's chilly, but it's fresh -- and it's better to get a lungful of this rather than just a lot of dry, stale hotel room heat. I'll be back before you know it, and then we’ll take a walk. Mittens and Rhino will keep you company. Okay, big guy?" Then she trudged off, skis in hand, to the chair lift and disappeared up the mountain.

The little shepherd, however, was in an impish mood and had no wish to be stuck in one place. "Hey, Mittens," he said with a sly grin. "The guard said I have to be on a leash -- but he didn't say who has to be at the other end of it, did he?"

"All right, you scamp. What kind of deviltry is hatching in that head of yours?" asked the cat.

"No deviltry!" Rhino interrupted, who was uncharacteristically not confined to his plastic sphere. "He knows how to behave himself. He’s had lessons, you know."

"Well," the dog said, "Maybe we could -- oh, I dunno -- ride up to the mountain top and enjoy the view. Seems like a nice day today. Bet we can see for miles!"

Mittens was unconvinced. "Not sure that's such a great idea, Wags. We’ll probably just get in trouble."

"The view! I vote for the view, too!" shouted Rhino eagerly, bouncing up and down and raising his paw high like an eager schoolboy who knows all the answers. "And that makes it two to one. You're in the minority, cat!"

"Why do I have the sinking feeling that I'm gonna regret this?" frowned Mittens. "Okay, okay, I'll play along. Heaven forbid I should be the party pooper here. What the hey… " She unwrapped the leash from the bike rack, clipped the other end to her own collar, and shook her head.

They didn't have lift tickets, of course, so the three pets decided to sneak onto a passing empty seat while no one was looking. And upon reaching the mountain top, they were rewarded with a truly splendid view -- no haze, no fog, no cloud cover. Bolt had guessed right, and he, Rhino, and Mittens sat in awe of the stunning vista.

It was very breezy, though, and the chill started getting to the cat after a while. "Folks, this is great, but we need to find our way back," she groused. "Much as I like munching on the occasional ice cream bar, I'm not keen to turn into one."

"Hey, look!" said the hamster with glee. "I spy with my little eye -- something that’ll get us back down in a hurry." Rhino pointed excitedly at a pair of skis that looked like they had been abandoned by their owner. The three pets wandered over and considered their options.

"Bolt, you’re the biggest one here as well as the most athletic. You get on the skis and we’ll hang onto you," proposed Rhino enthusiastically.

This idea horrified Mittens. "Guys, guys, guys! Let's think this through a little, okay? The chair lift brought us here and it'll probably take us the other way, too. You know the old saying ‘What goes up…’" But one look at the dog’s body language told her she was going to be outvoted on this idea, too.

"I like your thinking, Rhino," the shepherd eagerly concurred. "We’ll get back down fast this way. Let's do it!"

"All right -- if you ding-a-lings wanna end up as a couple of Sonny Bono tree stains, I guess I can't stop you. But I’m taking the chair lift down," insisted the cat. Much to her dismay, she found that the catch on her end of the leash wouldn’t unclip for some reason.

"Uh-uh," countered the dog. "You still have to be my leash handler. So you're going, too."

"Noooo!" Mittens shrieked, desperately trying to halt Bolt’s forward progress by grabbing unsuccessfully at the snowy ground. "You guys are crazy! And I’m too young to die!"

The pooch shoved his front feet into the ski bindings and pushed himself towards the ski run’s edge with one of his back paws. Eager for a front row seat of the action, Rhino was perched on the dog’s neck, clinging to Bolt’s long ears to stabilize himself. "I now declare this trail… open!" he yelled, making a fake ribbon-cutting motion.

The unlucky cat had to make do by holding onto the little shepherd’s hindquarters and tail and hoping for the best. Bouncy, vibrant music began to flood Mittens’s head – it was "Can’t Buy Me Love" by the Beatles, the underscore for two of the most memorable action sequences in the "Hard Day’s Night" film. "Wait -- that doesn’t make sense," thought the cat. "They don’t ski in that movie. They do that in ‘Help’… help… heeeeeeeeelp!" She yowled this last as they started careening down the mountainside.

But they soon had company. The skis Rhino had spotted weren’t abandoned at all. A young blonde woman had set them aside, having walked away briefly to adjust her boots and clothing, the better to cut the most fetching figure possible while heading downhill. And her companions had decided to give chase once they saw the critter threesome start their descent.

It all proved to be a comedy of errors worthy of a slapstick film. Bolt awkwardly shussed and slalomed with a thoroughly determined look on his face, while Rhino whooped in excitement and Mittens yowled in fright. The chasing skiers tried keeping up, but one by one either peeled off or tumbled to the ground. The dog swerved around trees, dodged bushes, and skidded away from boulders with minimal room to spare. Their erratic course down tore large ruts and scrapes in the previously well-groomed run. It was a miracle that they hadn't fallen, actually -- but Bolt, thanks to his crouched stance and decent sense of balance, somehow managed to stay upright and not dump his friends despite several close calls.

"Go! Go! Go!" shouted the adrenaline junkie hamster, waving his front paws in the air. But he miscalculated when reaching forward again, covering the pooch’s eyes instead of re-grabbing his ears.

"Hey! Hey! Don't do that!" howled the dog. "I can’t see!"

"Don't worry, just hang a left at Greenland," joked Rhino.

That last swerve proved to be one too many. Bolt didn't see the small rock sticking up from the trail and plowed his skis right into it. Fortunately, the ski bindings released as they were supposed to -- but dog, cat, and hamster flew through the air with a loud, long yell, like a Calvin and Hobbes downhill wagon run gone horribly wrong (as they always seem to). Luck was on their side again, though, as they landed headfirst into a huge snowdrift not far from the resort entrance.

Rhino was the first to pop his head out of the snowbank. "Awesome! Let's do that again!" he shouted. The little rodent was quickly silenced by a puffy snowball to the face thrown by Mittens.

"What’re you, nuts?" the cat shrieked. "No, no, wait -- I already know the answer to that one. Do you realize we almost got… " She was cut short by a snowball to the face, this time thrown by the smarty-pants dog.

Now Mittens was really steamed. "Wags," she said with emphasis, "Be prepared to kiss your big, furry butt goodbye!"

The resultant snowball fight was of epic proportions, Bolt and Mittens pelting each other -- and anyone else within throwing range -- with chilly projectiles while Rhino cheered them on, gleefully switching sides on whom to support depending on his whim. Not surprisingly, this caught the attention not only of passers-by but also of lodge security personnel.

"What’s going on here?" yelled the man who had initially admonished Penny about leashing policy, just as the dog launched a particularly large snowball at Mittens. The cat ducked just in time, but the guard didn’t, taking the missile squarely in the face. "All right -- ENOUGH!" he roared.

Penny and her mom had just come in by way of a side entrance and were headed towards the front door when confronted by three guards, each holding a squirming animal in front of him. "I think these belong to you?" growled the one holding Bolt, snow dripping from his head. Penny hid her face in her hand in embarrassment, while her mom glared at the girl.

"…improperly leashed dog, sneaking onto a lift without a ticket, snitching someone else’s skis, throwing snowballs, tearing up a freshly groomed trail…," the guard intoned, ticking off all the infractions the little shepherd and his friends had committed.

"Sorry we hurt your mountain, mister," chittered the hamster.

"Quiet, wise guy," Mittens hissed. "We’re in enough trouble already!"

"Can’t help it, cat. I’m a mocker, you know," he quipped. "Besides, humans can’t understand what we’re saying, remember?"

"Oy -- wish I were like Ringo Starr in ‘Yellow Submarine’ and had a hole in my pocket," thought Mittens. "An escape route would be just the thing right now."

5.

Punishment was passed around liberally after this incident.

"Penny!" her mom scolded. "You shouldn't have left the pets alone outside like that. They’re just animals who don't know any better, and they’re your responsibility. You can’t let them get into trouble like this. When we get home, I’ll have to ground you for a week. You understand why, don’t you?"

"Yes, mom," the girl replied dejectedly. "Sorry."

"And you can also scrub out the pots and pans all next week once we get home. I think you’ll remember not to do something like this again."

Bolt, Mittens, and Rhino paid for their sins by being banished to the hotel room for the rest of the trip, the dog only being allowed out for the briefest of leashed bathroom runs.

"Great," groused the cat. "Thanks to you two lamebrains, we’re going to be cooped up in here for the last two days."

"What’re we gonna do now?" whined Bolt.

The hamster, however, was determined to find a gold nugget in this pile of gray pebbles. "Don’t worry, guys. We’ve still got a TV, and here’s the remote," he said gleefully. "Wonder what’s on, anyway?"

Good fortune would grace the three critters one more time. Another classic movie marathon was underway, and they had caught things just right. The complete Marx Brothers films were showing, and their weaker late offerings were just wrapping up; the last fifteen minutes of "Go West" was on, but after that was celluloid nirvana: "Horse Feathers," "Duck Soup," "Animal Crackers," "The Cocoanuts," "A Day at the Races," and "A Night at the Opera" would follow on each other’s heels. And "Monkey Business" would start things off in grand style.

A cheer went up from the trio of furry rascals, followed by an impromptu howl through Maurice Chevalier’s nightingale song snippet that features so prominently in "Monkey Business" shenanigans.

"Yeah, that’s fine with me," said Mittens. "Heck, this isn’t even punishment. If it were, we’d be stuck with the so-called best of Abbott and Costello instead."

"Plus it looks like tomorrow is all Three Stooges all day -- the ones with Curly, too," chuckled Bolt.

Rhino bounced up and down, clapping with delight. "We should be naughty more often!" he grinned.

And they settled in for a long day full of laughs.


End file.
